Lack of Self Control
by jaspersgurl765
Summary: What if Bella dident have her awesome self control? What if the Hikers she smelt in the woods just got lucky?
1. Mistake

**A/N Hea guys, this is my first fic so please **

** not to harsh on the reviews, thanks for reading!**

** BTW, some of this is quoted from the book im not trying to pass it off as mine.**

** I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!**

** (Duh)**

**Mistake**

Charlie was coming, coming to a house full of on edge vampires.

I was totally unprepared, although I had just hunted, my mind kept flying back to the sent of human blood.

"Edward, I cant do this, we have to leave." I pleaded. He shot Jasper a weary look, and nodded once before answering me.

"Bella, I'm positive," he glanced at Jasper again. "you can do this."

I took a deep breath to calm myself, only to stop mid exhale when I heard Charlies cruiser turn onto the damp earth of the Cullens drive. I started hyperventilating, if it was possible for a vampire to have a panic attack, I was having one.

The more I started to think about Charlies impending arrival, the worse the burn in my throat became.

"Edward..."I groaned, the hikers in the woods must have been a fluke. There was no way I was going to be able to resist Charlie.

"Carlisle, maby we should go." His voice was full of worry. He was starting to look as panicked as I was.

"NO!" Jacob shouted. "I wont let you!" the snarl on his face was threatening, Edward's eyes narrowed in response.

Carlisle was about to respond, but...

_knock, knock, knock_

Charlie was here.

I groaned, there was no way I could do this but it was to late to leave was already at the door inviting Charlie in.

I gulped in a quick breath of air thankful that Charlies sent had not entered the room yet. I can do this, I told myself even though was a lie. I was going to try as hard as I could not to kill Charlie.

"Rosalie, take Renesmee up stairs please." Edward whispered. He must have known something was going to happen.

Rosalie took my baby, that was already in her arms, up the steps at full speed.

"Carlisle," I recognized Charlies voice "where's Bella?"

"Right here dad." I called, gulping in a quick refill of air, thankful that his sent had not entered the room yet.

Charlies mouth dropped open as he walked in the room and saw me.

"Is that really you Bella?" His voice was shocked.

"Yep its really me." I said trying to keep my voice calm. His jaw locked. "I'm sorry Dad." Keeping my eyes down cast.

"Are you okay?" He demanded.

"Really and truly great," I promised "healthy as a horse." That was it for my oxygen.

"Jake told me that this was... necessary, that you where dieing." He said the words like he didn't believe them one bit.

I steadied myself, leaned deeply into Edward for support and took a deep breath.


	2. What Have I Done

**A/N. So here is chapter two, i wont be able to update in a week or so, **

** sorry about that. Im looking for some one to beta this story, **

** if you are up for it, pm me :)**

** What Have I Done.**

My body reacted before my mind did. With that one breath I took, the unbearable burn and desire for my fathers blood took over.

I leaped at Charlie, but Edwards hand locked around my wrist, becoming a restraint. He couldn't hold me long though, a growl ripped through my throat as I broke his hold, and turned to face my father. This had all happened so fast Charlie's weak human eyes still hadn't cought up with what was happening.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmett and Jasper running at me, but they weren't quick enough, Charlie was not even three feet from me. I was not stopping now.

I ran top speed toward the front door, grabbing Charlie bridal style as I went. My plan was to run as far as I could, so the others could not stop me.

"Stop her Edward!" I heard Esme cry, my instincts kicked into overdrive, as I heard someone coming after me.

I was a good 50 miles out when I stopped, I listened, but there was no one pursuing me. I put Charlie on the ground, his eyes where wide, and his mouth was hanging open in a silent scream.

"Bella?" he asked, voice shaken, and full of terror. Between that and his terrorized face, my trance was almost broken, but when I took a breath to answer him his sent overpowered everything else.

I lunged for his throat, my teeth cutting so very easily through. His blood was the best thing I had ever tasted in my life. I never wanted to stop. But the more I had the more I wanted, and soon Charlie was gone. I sprang to my feet planing to go and find more of that delicious liquid. I was so absorbed in my planning, I didn't even think about how I had just killed my own father, or how there was another vampire quickly approaching me from behind.

"Bella, love?" his voice came out a question, but it was careful, he didn't know if I would attack him or not.

Surprised, I turned on my heals, and sinking down into a crouch in one swift movement.

"It's okay Bella, it's only me" he said slowly, as if he was talking to a child. Which in a was I guess I was. His hands where held palms up in front of him, showing that he meant no harm.

Then it hit.

"Edward!" I cried, running to him and pulling him tightly into my embrace. "What have I done." my voice came out a whisper, and it wasn't a question. I already knew exactly what I had done. I pulled Edward tighter, forgetting about my newborn strength.

"Careful Bella." he loosened my arms, but he didn't pull away. "Shh, love, it's okay, shh..." he tried to quiet my tearless sobs.

"How can it be okay?" I asked "I just killed my own dad." His eves where a reflection of my own, completely agonized.

"Come on." he said "lets go back to the house." he took my hand.

I nodded, but I didn't move. " Are you disgusted, with me?" I asked.

"Oh, Bella, no. How can you even think that I would?"

"How can you not be?" I asked. "I just killed Charlie and didn't even give it a second thought wail I was doing it. I was even thinking about going to find more..." he cut me off.

"Bell, we will help you get through this, everything will be perfectly fine." he pulled me into another hug and held on to me tightly.

"What about Charlie?" I couldn't just leave him out here.

"Emmett and Jasper will take care of it," he took my hand again "come on lets get out of here."

Suddenly I was angry. Angry at the person who had brought Charlie into this.

Jacob.

I was so overcome with rage, that when Edward started off for the house, he couldn't move me from my place.

"Coming?" he asked, his tone worried

"Jacob is going to pay for this." I spit through my teeth. Edward was thoughtful for a moment. Then he said,

"I couldn't agree with you more."

**A/N Reviews make me happy ;)**


	3. Not so sorry

******A/N I'M So sorry its been so long, I just got back from being gone all week,**

******Then I actully had to type this out...and yes, i know this chapter is really short,**

******but I'm planing on getting another one out by the end of this week.**

I stalked angrily into the house. The Cullen's- all but Rose- where all staring at me with sympathy.

"Where is Jacob?" I spit through my teeth, the amount of anger in my voice surprised even me.

"He and Rosalie are upstairs feeding Renesmee." Carlisle's voice was laced with sympathy and worry. Now that I was listening I could hear them. Renesmee was laughing-probably at Jacob- and Rose was in the kitchen getting Renesmee some nasty smelling baby formula.

"JACOB BLACK! GET DOWN HERE NOW!" I yelled, letting him here how mad I was by just the sound of my voice. All the sound cut off from upstairs, I don't think any of them where even breathing. Jacob sulked down the long staircase, shoulders slumped and eyes down cast, stopping at the bottom.

"Um...I'm sorry Bella..." He glanced up but did not meet my eyes. I chuckled darkly at his week apology. I knew what I was about to do was cruel, but it was way easier to be mad at Jacob, than at myself.

"You should be Jacob." My voice was scary, even to me.

"What you did was inexcusable," Edward cut in "You should have asked us first"

"You would have stopped me." Jacob almost whispered.

"You should have been stopped." Edward responded quickly, eyes narrowing.

I felt a wave of peace cover the room, some people sent Jasper looks of gratefulness, but I glared at him, I didn't want to feel anything but anger at Jacob. I decided to ignore it though, and turned back to Jacob.

"Edward and I talked about it, and due to the circumstances, we have decided to leave." I glanced at my family, who where looking at Edward and I with wide sad eyes, especially Esme. "The others are welcome to come with us." I said, still talking to Jacob, using Jasper's wave of peace to keep my voice level and calm. "And I have no idea when we will be back." I continued.

"What about Renesmee?" Comprehension scrolling across Jacobs face.

"She will be coming with us, of coarse." Edward said bluntly.

"You cant..." Jacob's voice came out a scarce whisper, his face horror stricken. "I can't be away from her." He looked at me with pleading eyes. "Bella don't do this to me, I cant live with out her!"

"You should have thought about that before you brought charlie over here." My voice sounded uncaring. I wasn't sorry I was hurting him either, he deserved this.

"Bella, please!"

"NO JACOB! You took someone I love from me, so now I will take someone I love from you."

His eyes where agonized, and I didn't care. I was actually glad for his pain.

Suddenly Jacob was mad, "I didn't do anything to you or, Charlie, Bella! I didn't kill him you did!" Jasper's power doing little to keep Jacob calm.

Edward snarled, but I stayed quiet. His words where true, but they still stabbed deep.

"He's right Edward," I looked straight at Jacob, "but that doesn't make what he did any less wrong." I looked at the Cullen's' "If any of you would like to come with us, you are more than welcome, I hope you understand why we have to do this." My face grew sad as I looked at each of them, I hated to break up the family, but I wouldn't have to if they would come with us.

Alice and Jasper nodded, they where so in sync with each other it was almost funny. Carlisle had a solemn look on his face, and Esme looked lie she would have been crying if she could have.

Emmett just smirked and said "No more picking on my girl dog." winking at Jacob.

******A/N Where do you think the story should go from here? I have an idea that gets the pack involved but, I'm not sure if I want to do that yet...SEND Me FEEDBACK!**


	4. Decisions

**A/N Finally chapter 4! Whoohoo!**

** Hea guys I would really appreciate some reviews ;) **

**Decisions**

We where all ready to go. Alice and Jasper where coming with us right away, Rose and Em stayed with Carlisle and Esme while Carlisle worked to out with the hospital for some time off.

We where going to Alaska to spend some time with Tanya's coven. Renesmee didn't understand much of what was going on, but she knew enough to know she was leaving Jacob. She really liked him, and that really ticked me off more that she knew him more than she knew me. It was hardly fair...

How we didn't hear the wolves approach, I don't know. But there they where, all eight of them lined up in front of the Cullen house. Blocking our main exit.

Edward tensed next to me, his eyes grew grim, and his hands balled into fists at his side. I looked at him in worry, a big question mark written across my face.

"The pack has no intention of letting us leave, with Renesmee." He almost whispered. My eyes grew wide, I looked down at my baby girl sleeping in my arms. She looked so peaceful, without a care in the world. There was no way they where going to take this angle from me. An involuntary growl escaped my throat, putting the wolves on edge. "I'm sorry Sam, but we are leaving, _with_ Renesmee."

Sam ran off into the woods with a huff, but the rest of the pack stayed put. There was no way they where going to let us go that easy. He wasn't even gone a full 30 seconds before he came back in his human form- and with pants on at least- the wolves could move fast when they wanted to.

"Bella," Sam said starting toward me, but thinking better of it-not wanting to get to close to the crazy newborn vampire probably- and staying where he was. "you don't know what this will do to Jacob if you take her away from him." he tried to pleaded "It will be physically painful for him to be away from her!"

I narrowed my eyes. I did know what it was like. Even though my human memories where dull, one of my sharpest memories-besides the pain of changing- was the pain of Edward leaving. I knew exactly what Jacob would go through. He was the one who got me through that time of major, zombie like depression. Could I put him through that alone? If I took Renesmee from him, who would take care of him the way he took care of me? Jacob's sad wolf eyes looked up to meet mine, I had a feeling he was remembering the exact same thing I was. Edward was looking at me too, in fact all of the other vampires were,all with the same look of worry and pity.

"Sam, I do know what it's like. Now if you would please give me and my family some time alone." I said keeping my voice harsh.

"You have one hour. Then we expect an answer" Sam said, motioning for the other wolves to follow him back into the woods. An answer to what I wondered. I tugged at Edwards hand and followed Alice and Jasper into the house. I sighed and sat on the couch.

"Whats going on?" Carlisle asked coming down from up stairs with the other three.

"We where about to leave, but the wolves stopped us," Edward explained "and they are prepared to fight us for Renesmee if it becomes necessary."

I gasped, Actually we all did. Fight? The wolves where our friends, our allies, well kind of anyway.

"What are we going to do!" I said exasperated, looking expectantly at Carlisle, he always knew what to do.

"Heck, I know what we should do!" Emmett said before Carlisle could get a word out. "We go out and kick those wolves butts!" Rose glared at her husband, but Jasper kind of looked like he agreed with his brother.

"She was talking to Carlisle." Alice interrupted before Emmett could go into any more gory details, I shot her a thankful glance.

"Well," Carlisle finally said, "Do you really _need_ to leave, Bella?"

Did I? I asked myself. What about the cover story for Charlie, did that require that we leave? For one thing, it would look really suspicious if all the Cullen's disappeared only a few short days after the police chief died.

"Do we? I asked shooting the question back to him, "Does our cover story require that we leave?" I didn't even know what the story was, there had been to much on my mind to pay attention.

"We kept the story simple, Jasper and Emmett staged a car accident. They changed the bite marks in his neck to to look like they where cut by bits of the wind shield that broke off. So no, we don't to leave."

I sighed, keeping my head in my hands. I had two choices. One, we could leave, I would have my daughter, and I could truly start my new vampire life with Edward. But someone would be suffering through this, my best friend, or ex-best friend. And worse his pack would fight us for my baby, and that could prove to be very dangerous.

Or we could stay, I wouldn't have to uproot the Cullens, and no one would be hurt the a fight with the wolves, but then again I would have to share my baby, with the man who made me kill my father none the less.

What was I going to do!

**A/N WEll what do you think she should do? Review with your opinions! :)**


	5. Verdict

**Lack of self control Chapter 5**

I couldn't decide. This decision was imposable. So I did what my human self would do, called for a vote. I looked to Alice and Jasper first.

"Alice, what do you think we should do?"

"Well, either way I cant see the outcome, because of the wolves involvement," she said, clearly annoyed. "but I think it would be nice to get away for a while." I nodded and looked next to Jasper.

"The wolves need to learn their place, and I think we can take them if it comes to a fight." Rosalie was next, although I was already almost completely sure of her answer. She would do anything to get away from Jacob, and have more alone time with Renesmee. She looked down at my baby in her arms as she answered.

"We should leave immediately" was all she said with no further explanation. I had a feeling that I was completely right.

"Emmett do I even need to ask you?" he chuckled a bit.

"I don't think so lil sis" he said winking. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Esme?" I looked at my adopted mother. She looked so sad, she didn't like to see anyone get hurt, even Jacob.

"I am willing to do whatever in necessary to keep my family together and safe." I nodded, that was exactly what I was expecting from her.

In my eyes, Carlisle's vote counted more than anyone else. Except maybe Edward. So when it was his turn to vote, all of our coven looked at him with expectant eyes. He looked reluctant to answer, we all knew how much he hated a fight.

"If I must, I will fight for my family," I sighed in relief, actually I didn't really know why I called for a vote in the first place. I knew what I wanted. To get out of Forks. "But if there is any way to leave without a fight we _will_ take that option." Every one nodded but Emmett looked quite disappointed.

I was ready to jump up and leave, but Edward squeezed my hand, I realized that I hadn't given him his chance to talk.

"Oh, sorry..." I mumbled, motioning for him to go ahead.

"I'm sorry," he began, "but I don't think we should go."My mouth popped open, I was definitely not expecting this from Edward. The room was death quite. Every one was silently waiting, with shocked faces for Edward to continue. When he did go on his voice was tormented. "I saw in Jacobs head, exactly what happened to you. How broken you where when we...I left. I saw how Jacob put you back together again. I still owe him for that Bella, and I can not, no matter how much I want to, put another person through that kind of trauma."

He was right of course, when was Edward not right? But I wanted to leave. I wanted my baby to be mine, she didn't need Jacob yet. Maybe when she was older she would. He would be her perfect match, but for right now she had all the family she could ever need. I shouldn't be mad at Edward for his opinion, I was the one who asked for a vote in the first place.

"Bella?" Jasper's worried voice broke me out of my thoughts, he must have noticed my growing anger, and was probably wondering if I was going to burst out in a newborn tantrum. He was rightly worried. I fought to get in control of my self, and it was harder than it should have been. But I eventually did it, and forced a small smile.

"I'm fine" I said clearly lying, my skills at that had not gotten any better since I had become a vampire, even with out my blush to give me away.

"Well, sorry Edward but it seems your overruled."

"Oh, Yeah!" Emmett boomed. "Time to kick some wolf butt!"

"We shouldn't do this." Edward almost whispered. I ignored him.

"Carlisle, is there any way you can see to leave with out a fight?"

"No," Edward answered for him. "The wolves are surrounding the house, and I am sure Sam will be knocking on our door any minute now." I glared at him, and Carlisle sighed.

"Well if the wolves are surrounding the house, I don't see any other...unless he is willing to negotiate..."

"That wont work," Edward interrupted "his mind was dead set on keeping Renesmee in Forks."

"Negotiations?" I asked ignoring Edward.

" Well I don't know you would be up for Bella, but I'm sure Jacob would much rather work out something like a custody agreement, than have Renesmee gone forever."

I made a face. To me that was worse than just staying in Forks, having had to be juggled between parents my whole life. A dim human memory flashed through my mind, me when I was younger, on a plane all alone for the first time and scared to death, I was only eight. I didn't want to have to put my daughter through that. I shook my head toward Carlisle, letting him know that was not an option.

"Well other than that, I don't see another way, unless we sneak away."

"That wont work either." Edward said grimly.

"And why not" I asked, slightly annoyed.

A very loud howl ripped through the air.

"That's why. The wolves are not going to leave until we either give them our word we are not going to leave, or give in to a fight."

I put my head in my hands, there was definitely no easy way out of this.

"I should go talk to Jake." I said getting up. "Maybe I can talk him into just letting us go, convince him that the pack will be more hurt than us if a fight breaks out, or something like that."

Edward winced, still not likeing the idea, but he got up to.

"I'm going with you. Jacob is in no way going to be happy with what you are about to tell him. In fact, Jasper, would you mind coming to? Just in case things get a bit out of hand..." He trailed off, not wanting to even think about what could happen if Jake got to upset. Bringing Jasper was a good idea.

"I don't mind at all." Jasper answered.

The three of us ran out to a small clearing that Edward knew Jake would be. And sure enough, there he was. Standing in front of us with his arms across his chest and a sour look in his face.

"So what did you decide?" he asked bitterly.

I glanced at Edward for support, but of coarse I got none, he still didn't approve of my decision. Jasper on the other hand was completely with me. I looked to him for just a moment, and I got a good amount of self confidence. Thank God for Empaths.

"Look Jake, I need to do what is going to be best for my family. And staying here is just not whats best."

He drew in a deep breath, the pain on is face was heartbreaking, but I couldn't find it in my heart to feel bad for him.

"What about me Bella? There was a time when I was your family. Did you forget about that? I've never asked much of you Bella, but I am asking you this. Please, Do. Not. Leave." Desperation creeping into his voice with every word he said, his body shaking, but not from rage, but from the thought of having to give up the one he couldn't live with out. And it still didn't waver me.

"I'm sorry Jake, really I am. But I have to go. We have to go."

"I'm sorry too Bella." He looked each of us as he made his next threat. "I'm sorry that we are going to have to kill you over something that is so precious to us both." He ran back into the woods phasing as he went. I sighed.

"So that's that." Jasper said trying to hold back a smile. "This is about to get Interesting."

**A/N Whooohoooo! Another chapter done, thanks so much to Ana Lvy Whitlock for betaing this for me. Your the best Ana! Reviews are much appreciated! **


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